The Journey that Brought us Together

This is my First Blog from AOL

2008-10-28T09:43:00.000-07:00

Read and enjoy - I will be working on getting all the pics attached to the right post very soon - you know me....pictures are a must!!

Moving to Blogger

2007-01-17T21:45:00.000-08:00

Just confirming that I am going to stick with Blogger or Blog Spot whatever the official name is.....but also keep this journal here to keep the begininning of my process in tact...... So this should be my last update here.....Hope you all check out my new blog at http://adoptingmorgan.blogspot.com/

Mel

Trying something new

2007-01-05T22:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm trying Blogger again, but keeping this at the same time because I don't have a clue if it's possible to transfer all the previous posts to there and I don't want to lose them. This will be an experiment and hopefully not too annoying.......I've added a link to my new blog to the right it's called Adopting Morgan....... Here goes nothing!!

Mel

More room prep

2007-01-02T15:56:00.000-08:00

My parents came over this afternoon and we kicked it into high gear.....well at least A gear.....got the cutains up in Morgans room. My mom and I put the bumper on the crib.....I straighten up things and took everything that wasn't for Morgan out of the room. I hung the quilt that came with the bedding.....still debating is that will stay like that or come down....either way I need to hang it up better....this was mainly for appearances! Repaired my couch for the second time.....we'll see how long the kitties can leave it alone this time. I will attach pics of all the above mentioned events - probably more than anyone cares to see......but hey......you looked!!!!

Mel

Kitties

2007-01-01T12:31:00.000-08:00

This is what Milo and Otis do almost every time I'm on the computer.........

Putting off blogging......random thoughts

2006-12-29T22:01:00.000-08:00

Well I'm still on my Christmas Vacation, about to head into week two. Sometimes breaks are hard for me with nothing inparticular planned.....I guess I'm not very good at 'making a plan' for myself!! But that's besides the point....of which there really isn't one! I had a good Christmas with my family - spent a lot of time thinking about next year and how that Christmas will be. I brought my 'blankie' well.....okay Morgan's blankie to my parents house for Christmas Eve. That was my visual representation of Morgan - I kept it with me and covered up with it while opening presents. My sister said they should reevaluate my mental status, because she just thought I was crazy!!!!!! My brother gave me two (at least - it's late and can't remember) things for Morgan - I just love getting things for Morgan and especially from my brother!! I love that he likes to get things for the baby. Anyway that's about it for now - it's almost time the New Year, which traditionally I am not a big fan of, but as I write this I'm thinking that year, the year of 2007 will likely (or possibly, I guess I really don't know!!) be the year of my baby's birth. If not the year of Morgan's birth then the year that Morgan came into my life.......

Mel (and the kitties who are practically on top of the keyboard as I write this.....that is when they are not in the garbage can!!!!!)

Early Christmas (and no that doesn't mean I got a referral!)

2006-12-22T21:35:00.000-08:00

I've realized that sometimes I put off blogging because I feel maybe I won't be witty enough, or maybe I won't say exactly what I want to say, or maybe it will sound stupid, or maybe it will be boring.....but you know what......it doesn't matter - I'm just gonna write what I'm gonna write and you all will just have to deal!!! ;-) I guess it's more of my issue huh!!!!!

Today was an overall awesome day. After getting all my presents together for my 'Stacy and Lucy' Christmas I headed over to her house for the first part of the adventure. Stacy and Lucy had their adoption finalization hearing - it's official. It was awesome to be a part of that, I will never forget it.

Afterward we ate and then had our Christmas. I received one of the most special things from Stacy.....an orange blanket that was monogramed with Morgan's name.....of course I'll attach a picture!!! I really cannot express how much that meant to me - it was just really really special, that's the only way I can describe it. Stacy's parents got me the bedding set.....the quilt, bumper, and sheet......I am sooooo excited and so grateful to have these people in my life. It's not really even the 'items' (but I do LOVE them) but it's the thought behind them and the genuine happiness and excitedness that I see. I can see that they really want to be a part of Morgan and my life. Once again I sit here and doubt that I am getting my point across........ I guess my point is that I am a very lucky to person to have the people I have in my life and to have the support that I have. I love that my aunts ask about the process and how it's going and when I'll find anything out - I just love that people are excited with me........okay rambling over........Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!!!!

:-)

Mel

As time goes by......

2006-12-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

Well......referrals are coming in like gang busters....there were about 11 on the forum in the last couple of days. On our very informal list I am at number 13, and that's of course without any specifications - so I am higher up on 'our list' but it's all unknown at this point. What I do know is that someone waited about 3.5 months for a referral and I'm at over two months now.

So this is all probably pretty boring if you are not obsessed with the forum and the wait and my baby - as I happen to be.

It's hard to believe that I will be a mom, i know I've said this several times and have left it at that, but I will be responsible for this little person and this little person will eventually call me mom. It's very surreal and oh so exciting and nerve wracking!!! There is just so much to think about and do (and NOT SHOP); it seems a lot of it is just preparing mentally, as I know the 'things' I need I will get - either through a shower, or buying it on my own. I cannot wait to meet my son or daughter. I cannot wait to start my life as a family - my very own family.

It seems weird to not know what my child looks like, or when i will get to see him or her - but in that way it is a lot like being pregnant!

I just can't explain how thrilling it is to see all of these people get referrals, and not because that means there is one less person in front of me, but because it means that a baby or child has found their family and their family has found them. It is just awesome to be a part of this.

My dad and I are planning to make a toy box for Morgan - my job is to get the instructions for this endeavor and I have failed miserably so far, I need to get on that so my dad and I can create a beautiful (we hope) toy box that Morgan can treasure and know that mom and grandpa made it together!!!

These all seem to be random thoughts that are just coming to me, but I have been wanting to write something for a while now, and this is what you get! :-) AND i'm not going to read it so I hope it makes sense.......

Mel (aka mom)

Two Months

2006-12-13T21:38:00.000-08:00

Today I have been waiting for a referral for exactly 2 months!!!!! Wow. Referrals are coming and people are traveling and everything is soooo exciting. I love reading other blogs to see what going on with everyone and see some updated pics......I was very excited to see Anne's (a blog I read) new pics......just rambling and wanted to say yay to my two months of waiting.......soon...........

Mel

Thoughts of Morgan

2006-12-09T18:58:00.000-08:00

I was just reading the forum and seeing all the people who are just finishing their homestudy or their dossier.....I cannot tell you how good it feels to already be waiting. It's seems like so long ago and at the same time like it was just yesterday. I can't believe that I am waiting - I am really waiting.....been waiting about a month and a half!!! This all seems pretty obvious, but sometimes those thoughts just come to be and I think, holy cow, it's happening, it really is. Just having a moment.....

My mom and dad gave me an early birthday present and came over to my house last week and put together the glider chair they had bought me and put it in the baby's room. Sooooooo cool.......it was awesome!!!! It made it even more special because of how crazy work was this week -

I also keep thinking about things as being the last without Morgan.....like Thankgiving, my birthday and Christmas...... Next year I will have Morgan here for my my birthday and for Christmas - it's exciting to think about that. Anyway, that's it.....I just keep telling myself.....it's really happening!!!!!!

Mel

Gotta add a pic of Lucy so I can stop opening my blog up to the pillows!!!!

2006-12-06T19:03:00.000-08:00

A Non Update at the Request of Jen.....

2006-11-27T06:45:00.000-08:00

Well.....Just a bunch of random things.....I'm a bit tired and not much to update....really I just wanted to add some pictures, one of the giraffe looking pillows, one of the cool Leap Frog Learning Table that Stacy is letting me use....very cool!!!! One is of Morgan's crib that is getting full of toys that I have bought or that have been given to me. The last ones are pictures of my cats being extremely funny, mainly Otis.....playing in the garbage can - it was hilarious!!!!!!

CIS approval!!!!! Time to share the name I have picked out for my baby...

2006-11-18T19:25:00.000-08:00

I really do make this sound bigger than it is...... I am CIS approved as of Nov. 17 2006. I got the check mark on CHSFS site for my cis approval and for dossier going to Ethiopia...... In Other Words I am now able to bring an orphan into the country..... Yippee!!!!At this point it doesn't matter, but this just has to happen before I can go to Ethiopia and pick up my baby and now it has. I remember waiting for Stacy to get her approval - because she actually had her referral before her approval. She got her referral 45 minutes after turning in her dossier - Unheard of.....even then.....but now......would never happen that fast because of how big the program has become - unless you were adopting a waiting child. But no matter what this is GREAT!!!!

My mom came over today to see the baby's room - I think she liked it. There is this really cool woman at the health club that my mom goes to and where I used to teach aqua aerobics - I say that because my mom went to her craft sale and bought the two most adorable pillows (a little one and a big one) they are made with yarn the colors of giraffes.....and my room!!!! Very cool.....and they weren't made especially for me....they were just there - like it was meant to be.....okay a little over the top for some pillows...but they are darn cute!

My baby's name is going to be the same boy or girl. I've had it picked out for a long time now....way before I was in the process of adopting. I've been hesitant about sharing it online.....not sure why......so here it goes.......

Morgan (Ethiopian name) (my last name)

My little Morgan, I can hardly wait to see what you look like and to meet you and love you.

Lucy

2006-11-18T09:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't put Lucy on here for awhile....so I'll put one up from last night....... She's just soooo cute!!

Random

2006-11-12T20:55:00.000-08:00

I, Melanie, am waiting for a referral....in case you did knowl!!!! I am waiting for a baby.....just had an excited moment - I can't believe that I will be am mom in around 6 months, give or take 6 months ( :-) ) !! It's just crazy and so unreal - I just can't believe it and to keep myself busy (cause I don't have anything else to do.....HA HA HA)I keep adding and subtracting things to my, in progress, registries.......But I think by doing that it just makes me more crazy and makes me want my baby home so much more because I'm looking at all of the things he/she will be using......but still I don't think that will stop me.....cause I like to dream and think about the things I will need and want for my baby. This all reminds me that I need to now scour the web for some obscure and not so obscure baby things....I just love doing that!!!!!

Okay ONE more time.......I"m gonna be a mom!!!!!! AND my Mom and Dad are going to be grandparents.....it's crazy, but oh so exciting!!!!!!!!

Mel

Just wanted to share my kitties.....they do love each other!!!!!

2006-11-11T22:41:00.000-08:00

The Sky is Falling.......and some adoption related stuff

2006-11-08T20:12:00.000-08:00

And what do I mean by that.....nothing adoption related so don't worry.......yesterday I was at work and sitting on the floor by my desk - which by the way I don't do unless I am playing with Lucy. But....I was sorting through pictures and trying to find pictures for an event we were having that evening. We have construction going on on our third floor-----which is right above our office. That morning we (my coworker/friend Stacy and I) were talking about how it sounded like the whole ceiling was going to come down.....it really was THAT loud!!! Stacy had to ride the bus - we work at a preschool - so she left......I continued to go through pictures and was talking to another coworker when all of a sudden we heard another CRAAAACK, louder than any other......and things started falling from the ceiling and landing right on me That is the 'I've had an entire day to process this event' version......but what was really going on in my head at the time was.....will that noise ever stop....I had finally come to the conclusion that the ceiling was NOT going to fall on us and I heard this LOUD noise but this time was different....I felt something hit me....... and instictively put my head down and covered my head with my hands and braced for the whole ceiling to come down.....yes I am a bit dramatic but that's what I thought was going to happen. Dust filled the air and bits and pieces of sheet rock fell on me. I literally could not wrap my mind around what was happening because the ceiling is not supposed to come down and I barely believe that it is happening until I look up and see about 10 of my coworkers standing in the hall outside my office and my officemate had come around her desk and was seeing if I was okay as I was brushing thick dust off of me and out of my eyes.....my coworkers were in the room next to my office starting a meeting, and heard this noise and my coworker and I scream and thought that a file cabinet had tipped over so they all ran over to see what had happened - and they see me sittting on the floor covered in pieces of the ceiling. At this time I look up and see this guys leg poking through the floor above. I was so shocked at this whole experience I just sat there for the longest time trying to figure out what had just happened. What had happened was there was a one hole in the floor above and this guy step in it and pushed the ceiling down (like a trap door) and all of the stuff in between fell to the ground. The first thing I did after getting up was call Stacy and say 'you will NEVER guess what just happened!!!!!". For the rest of the day everytime I heard a noise above I jumped - very PTSD.....

When I came into work today there was a plant and a flower sitting on my desk......the plant was from the floor company......and the silk flower was from the guy who broke though the ceiling.......How sweet!!!!!! Let's just say I will never stop hearing about the day the ceiling fell on me - coworkers will continue to give me crap about it because if this had to happen to somebody - it was gonna be me.....I am the klutzy one!!!!

Thanks for reading my long drawn out version of my yesterday..........

on the adoption front.....I got a recept in the mail for my fingerprints or something like that......reciept for the five hundred something dollars.....obviously I didn't look at it that closely yet......Bought a really cute outfit for a boy or a girl......for MY boy or MY girl!!!..........I'm just so excited. OH and I ordered curtains off of Ebay can't wait to see how they look in the room......things are definately coming together.....YEA!!!!!

Mel

Go ahead....think I'm weird!!

2006-11-06T18:03:00.000-08:00

Well.......Diane and her daughter Beth gave me these adorable giraffe slippers today for the baby.....It's so funny, in a very very good way, because while Stacy was waiting for Lucy I bought everything pink elephant....I searched and searched to find common and very unique pink elephant things. It's just cool that now Diane sees adorable giraffe things and thinks of me. Okay I'm weird.....but I admit it so that's okay!!!!

I am past day 20 of waiting........Almost a month.

Waiting is hard, but also exciting, at least this early on it is. Like I know it won't happen for awhile, but I also know that there is nothing else I have to do before I get a referral.

My mom got shots last week - so almost for sure she is going with me to Ethiopia....now that is very exciting!

I can't believe that in less than a year....hopefully a lot less.....I will be a mom.....I was thinking about it this weekend and it's still so very surreal - but becoming more and more real as time goes on and once I have a referral I will finally know who I am a mom to.....

I have to say that having Lucy in my life does help a lot - she is just sooooo fun to play with and watch her learn new things and see her grow. I think about her and my baby a lot and how hopefully they will play together and hopefully....eventually.... Lucy will like my baby. I also think about how helpful and awesome it is to have Stacy in my life....someone who has gone through all of this and who has great advice about being a single parent and so much else.

OOOOH......and I bought little hangers......I was obsessing about them a few days ago and how I wanted them and needed to have them....not sure why....but that is what I chose to obsess about....now I have them....all 20 of them in my baby's room....empty....but I HAD to have them NOW!!

Mel

Here's the room!

2006-10-29T17:14:00.000-08:00

The Room

2006-10-29T12:28:00.000-08:00

Phase One of the baby's room is officially complete in my mind. The room is painted, the crib is put together, I brought the dresser in from the other room, there are some BABY items in drawers, and stuffed animals in the crib. With that said there is still a lot missing.....it needs more color - and the bedding and the curtains....I will post pictures later tonight so you can see the progress.

OH and I am fingerprinted!!!! Interesting experience.....you get in there and start to go through the 'guard' line and then find out you can't have a cell phone.....so i ran it back to my car, got back in line. Got a form to fill out....then once that was done I had to get into another line where I received a number and was sent to wait again. I sat there waiting and trying not to do anything with my fingers....I was very paranoid that my fingerprints wouldn't pass....so I was very very conscious of what I did....as if rubbing my eye would hinder my fingerprints...but who knows!!! The guy who was done right before I went in said to his wife in a very irritated voice 'I have to come BACK' - That's when I went holy crap......it does happen....people do have to come back and get fingerprinted again! I was just thinking please let this be the end - the last official thing I have to do before referral - It brought on a bit of panic and then boom i was called and didn't have any more time to ponder my fingerprints!!! I went back there, they lady barely said three words to me.....but my fingerprints passed!!! Yeah!!!!! That was yesterday at 8:30 am - now it's almost 2:30pm Sunday and I'm getting ready for the first person to see the baby's room looking more like a baby's room. So.....I'm off to check out the room again..... It's very exciting to think about when I will have my actual baby in there.....sleeping.....hopefully!

Mel

Officially waiting!!

2006-10-23T17:45:00.000-07:00

Well......because I'm a bit of a freak - I emailed Alexa and asked her when I was 'approved' in other words when was I officially waiting.....well the answer was that I was waiting the day I dropped off my dossier since it was complete. I wasn't sure when that happened - I was pretty sure that I was, by now, waiting....but now I know for sure that as of October 13, 2006 I am a 'waiting family'!!! How cool is that....just had to share - the littlest things excites me.....I bought more baby wipes today....I know - I know I'm done buying......EVERYONE keeps telling me that......Just please lock Target and don't let me in the doors!!!!!! I'm so bad - and I don't even have a referral.......I'm just nuts....Okay now my kitties are jealous....they are both in between me and the keyboard....you may ask how is that possible....they are laying over my arms......cuddly little guys I have!!!

Mel

Progress

2006-10-21T16:41:00.000-07:00

I got my fingerprinting appointment in the mail today....it's October 28!!!!! I also painted the baby's room with my mom....it's all done and I can't wait to put the furniture where it goes and put stuff around....I know it's early but I can't wait, I'm just excited!!!

I'm gonna attach pictures of the painting job.....and of the giraffe from build-a-bear I wrote about from my friend Diane's daughter. I've been meaning to put it on for awhile and just got around to it now!!!

One year ago..... Packing for Ethiopia.....

2006-10-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

One year ago I was getting ready to go with Stacy to Ethiopia to pick up her daughter Lucy Eskedar! We left on the 22nd of October....I never imagined my life would be where it is today - My plan to adopt was not even a plan back then....I was trying to figure out what to do - how to start my family - if I was ready to start my family... my plan to adopt was beginning to be realized months after we got back from Ethiopia. The whole experience was incredible moving and awesome and as I like to say....Life changing!!! This trip definately led me to think seriously about adoption and about Ethiopia - and months later to decide that I know what I want - I have never wanted anything more.....I'm going to adopt from Ethiopia!!!!!..

I can't help but think about the moment we met Lucy - on October 24th, and saw her beautiful face and sweet personality in person for the first time. To see mother and daughter together for the first time was sooo awesome and unreal - a very special moment to witness. It makes me think about my first meeting with my son or daughter and how incredibly awesome that will be. It all seems very surreal right now - this is really happening...Right?? I just have to keep saying that.......but won't truly believe it till I am in Ethiopia with my child - .........

Mel

I will put some pics of Lucy from the day she met her mom and the day we celebrated her gotcha day.......

FINISHED and TURNED IN

2006-10-13T13:28:00.000-07:00

I turned in my dossier at 2:20 this afternoon in person!!!!!!! Alexa looked it over and said everything looked good. How cool is that???? I am excited and trying to figure out what to do to celebrate - hmmmmm. The only thing left to do is wait.....unbelievable!!!!

Mel

The ups and downs of adoption......

2006-10-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

Today my emotions were all over the place. I started out the day very excited because I knew all I had to do was pick up my letter from the doctor and get my last reference letter and I knew both were happening today. So I was driving up to the doctors and I was getting anxious....only because I have a bit of a doctor fear - so I go in, get my letter and head back to work. I wanted to open it and read it to make sure everything was right, but couldn't manage that and drive at the same time....so I waited till I was back at work in my office. I opened it and read it - it pretty much said that I am physically able to care for a child, but she could not attest to my 'mental' state....i can't think of a better word and I can't remember the right one....anyway it said that my psychiatrist would have to attest to that.......(I am on meds for depression) I was freaking out in the way that I freak out......shutting down and stressing internally...then Stacy (the smart woman that she is) said call Alexa and see if that matters anyway......I did and she called me back and isn't going to be as big a deal as I had made it out to be....but it was kinda like don't mess with my plan.....tomorrow is the day~!!!!!!

When I picked up my last reference letter from Diane - her daughter had a gift for me.......it meant sooooo much to me.....it was a Giraffe from build a bear.......I love it - and more cause she thought about it and wanted to do it for me......HOW SWEET!!!

Anyway it's been a long day and I still have stuff to do........last minute organizing....

Mel

Almost done.....

2006-10-11T17:11:00.000-07:00

I am soooooooo close to being done with my dossier I can't stand it. I was a mom in training last night with Micki. We were at Rosedale with the two kids. It was a very fun adventure and really gave me a chance to actually use a front pack carrying thing for Emerson.

That's not where I meant to go with this entry....I had everything that was done notarized tonight. The only things left are one reference letter and my doctor thing. It is very very exciting and I can't wait to have this all out of my hands and dropped off at Children's Home.

AND.......I got a call from immigration and the guy asked me who was the other adult living in my house....I was like......No one.....why? He said I over paid for the finger prints and he was going to send it back and have me resend it with the right amount. It was actually kinda nice....like actual people work there and actual people call you....just kind of weird.....It did make me feel better about that whole thing....like if there was something else wrong with that they would of told me....right???? I hope so. Anyway if my doctor cooperates - I should be able to get my dossier turned on Friday......holy cow.........it's really happening....it's just crazy. Alexa is such an awesome person (my go to person from the Ethiopia program) and is so relaxed - I can't imagine getting calls all day with these random questions and just being so nice about it all. That was very cool too.

AND......I bought the paint for the baby room - and my mom and dad brought the crib over a couple of days ago....the one I was in when I was a baby. I can't wait.......I just can't wait - ironically that's what I'm waiting for.......I am waiting to wait!!!! Sorta weird. It's so exciting hearing about all of the families that are getting ready to travel and it brings me back to when we went and picked up Lucy. It is such a weird thing.....that now I am planning for my own baby and I will be traveling and picking up my child!!!!! So surreal.....................

Mel

Dossier

2006-10-05T16:31:00.000-07:00

Well.....I got my dossier information email to me today.......I am just soooo excited!! I printed out the whole thing and printed extras of certain things....I'm ready to go. I'm ready to get this on its way and continue moving forward. I can't believe that this is happening......honestly I can't - I have wanted children for as long as I can remember (my mom says 5!). I feel like there are things I've gone through and people I've met that led me to this place in my life. For a long time I never dreamt this was possible - I had given up on so much and now I have worked to get my life where I want it to be and where I NEED it to be. No one's perfect and of course I'm still working, but I've come a long way.......Baby. And....if things didn't happen just the way they did....I would not be where I am today.

I am going to be a MOM and I can't wait!

OH MY GOSH I'm gonna be a MOM!!!!!!!

Mel

Rambling............

2006-10-03T12:21:00.000-07:00

My reality is approaching....I had my last homestudy visit yesterday. It seemed surreal and a bit anticlimactic - like it was just an everyday thing....but at the same time it felt like HOLY CRAP this is it - you (this is me talking to myself) signed more paper work - which I guess is saying that I'm approved. That is where it was anticlimactic - in my head it was always like "Congratulations!!!! you're approved.' But of course this is still awesome and I can hardly wait to begin my dossier. Never really thought I'd be excited to do paper work....I just never thought this would happen and as I write this I think it is sinking in more and more that this is really happening - I was soooooo excited last night when I was in Target - I bought two things - pacifiers and an adorable giraffe comb/brush set......ooooo and some Desitin. I did bad on my no spending promise!!!! A new day....I will do better!!! Now I've got myself excited and I do think that I will go look at paint tonight for the baby room. I have been buying things all throughout this process - that is why I need to stop....not cause I just bought those little things. I am having some really random mood swings, which I know is very much a part of the process....I was actually for some reason feeling sad earlier today....and now I'm just very happy.....I'm just going to have to be prepared for all the ups and downs regarding the process AND regarding my moods. Anyway I've gone on long enough - time to actually do some work.....well maybe....

Mel

Home Study......Tomorrow 9am

2006-10-01T17:04:00.000-07:00

Well.....my mom helped me all day to get my house ready for my homestudy! And it's done. I'm excited to be done with this next step so I can move on to my Dossier. Just wanted to write before I forgot - not sure how I could.....anyway........... I'm attaching a pic of Lucy since I haven't in awhile and because she is just such an awesome little girl - and it seems she just has so much to do with my process. I've not only seen how this whole process works, but I've seen how it ends (if you can even call it that) I've seen Lucy thrive with her mom and seen her grow and grow and it's been awesome to be able to see that.

Anyway.....rambling as I always do....I'm off to upload some pictures and organize them on my computer. Wish me luck tomorrow!!!!

Hopefully the kitties will be on their best behavior................

Mel

The garage sale and a strange turn...

2006-09-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

Well.....I had the first day of my garage sale today and it went okay....not as busy as i would have liked, but I definately made some money and we decided to stay open through Saturday noon. It was fun hanging out with my mommy. I got to talk with quite a few neighbors today - this whole day would of never happened if I still had Jack and - he would of been going NUTS!!! It was a little hard hearing from neighbors what they had thought of jack. They were saying things like Jack was annoying and loud and mean. Some neighbors were really nice about it - it was really hard because it was really the first time I have talked with my them about Jack and the fact that I don't have him anymore (which is quite obvious because they don't hear him barking when people are outside). Anyway that part was hard -but I knew it was coming because I haven't been outside much since Jack's gone.

Now for the strange turn.....I was calling my work voicemail to see if any clients were looking for me today while I wasn't there - just a heads up sort of thing. There was one message - not from a client, but from my social worker from CHSFS. She said she was going on an emergency leave and would no longer be my social worker and we would not have our scheduled final homestudy meeting on the 20th. My new social worker is supposed to be contacting me soon to set up a new day for the homestudy. My social worker is Corrie and she was my small group leader at PAC, so that's cool, at least I know her. Everytime something like this happens I always think of Sylvia and how she says things happen for a reason.....I just wonder what this reason is????

Not bad news.....just unexpected news -

Mel

Random Feelings

2006-09-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at work and every once in a while I just get this feeling....like I'm just so happy and excited. Oddly enough I am more excited for the second homestudy visit then i am nervous right now. I'm having my garage sale on Thursday and Friday with my mom and I have a lot of stuff ready to go. Everything seems like another step....and maybe I'm just weird - but I get excited for no specific reason....just all of a sudden the thought of my baby pops into my head and I smile. Hopefully my garage sale will make millions ;-) I don't exagerate at all!!!!! Anyways just wanted to write....my homestudy is Wednedsay the 20th of September - I better get my house in tip top shape!!!

Mel

Sinking in......

2006-09-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

Well....I may get this typed yet....Milo just erased the whole thing I just wrote......

With each step things seem to become more real. I had my first homestudy meeting today and I think it went okay, which is very good since the morning did not start off that well. I woke up with cramps - and yes I needed to share that ;-) and I was nervous....more nervous then with the first meeting with the TWO social workers!! And then I searched and searched to try to find my letter from the insurance company stating that my child would be covered - was supposed to be turned in with my home work, but got to me late. Any way I finally found it.....exactly where I had put it and had looked three times!!!

My point is, even with my crazy morning...things went okay - or course always hesitant to say good, and awhile after I left CHSFS it hit me....this is real....this is exciting, oh my gosh.....this is HAPPENING!! I just had one of those moments and called Stacy and was like.....I'm just happy.....I'm excited. It was just so many emotions and this was just the first homestudy! Yesterday everyone who knew about my meeting was wishing me well - Sylvia called me and said she was thinking about me and knew everything would go perfect.

I'm going to go into another sappy Mel moment - I am just so lucky (which by the way....I think i said this before....every time I write or try to write Lucky....I write Lucy!!) I am lucky to have all of the people I have in my life - I just really feel honored - that word really doesn't say it all......but I'll come up with the right word. I was thinking that not only do I have my friends support, but I have the support of Sylvia's mom and Stacy's parents - It just feels good to have people support you and be sooo happy for you. My friend Diane is very excited and says she doesn't think she can wait that long and I need to get my baby home now! (could someone just listen to her please!! :-) It's just nice to know that not only do I believe that things are going how they should in my life, but I have others who are right there with me agreeing- it just feels nice to really feel happy and that my life is headed in absolutely the right direction. Since I now feel like I'm give an emmy speech....I also could not have come this far without my parents and my siblings - I guess I just love everyone today.....well most everyone!!!!

Mel

PS....I had another Lucy day yesterday and will attach pictures - and also got see Emerson and Raiah to take my mind off the upcoming homestudy and it worked (I was taking pictures for Micki...trying to get Raiah and Emerson to be in the same picture....I'll post the one that Raiah actually stayed in......but after Lucy and Stacy and before Micki's crew....I went to my favorite place these days....Babies R Us and.I bought some stuff!....it is truly amazing to me how buying baby wipes can make me sooo happy.....but it does.....anything baby makes me happy and oh so eager to meet my baby.

Now...goodbye for real

Mel

A photo shoot and upcoming homestudy!!

2006-09-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to post some pics of a 'photo shoot' with Lucy that I did yesterday. Stacy wanted a picture of Lucy in her Ethiopian dress to use to celebrate her one year homecoming. It was so much fun..... We went downtown by the river....it was called something but I can't come up with it right now. Lucy is just a doll and is so much fun to follow around and take pictures of....I do it all the time anyway, but this time we were 'on location' :-) Lucy is just such a cute walker!! I guess everything is cute about Lucy.

I have my first homestudy on Wednesday morning - and the following week I have my garage sale....which I am calling a benefit for my baby - not to the world...just people I know - I have tons of stuff of my own, but I've been asking people if they want to donate to my garage sale....My mom and I are going to do it together. It'll be fun.

Sunday or Monday I'm going to the fair with Micki and her gang. That'll be a lot of fun! On Thursday I got to hold Emerson for a lot of the night at Micki's - he's such a cute little guy. Raiah is adjusting as best she can....she needs a little time to get used the idea - she's very nice to the baby though....

Hmm.....I'm kind of running out of steam...I feel like I have more to say, but I'll leave it at this and put the cute pictures from the 'shoot' up. I can't wait till after the home study - then I get to work on the Dossier and then I get to wait....it's all very exciting!!! I can't wait to meet my baby, I'm getting more and more excited and sometimes I start to think....I don't even have an approved homestudy yet....It's not that I'm oh so confident about everything....it's just I can't help but get excited!!

Mel

PS I was thinking that I may give out my blog address after the homestudy - when things seem more sure and real....I mean of course those who have it already know it...it's those that don't have it that need to know it - how's that for profound!!!!!! That's MelSpeak for ya.

Something SCARY and Some Exciting Things

2006-08-28T18:21:00.000-07:00

Well.............I almost died today....or got seriously hurt. I was going to go to the store with my friend/coworker Beth (and I say that cuz there are a few Beth's in my life) but first we were going to stop at her apartment. I was driving down a road and I did NOT have a stop sign and there was this truck (like a car truck, not a semi-truck) coming from one of the cross streets.....He just kept coming and neither Beth nor I saw him coming - like we weren't worried that he wouldn't stop at his stop sign.....so........He darts out into my lane and I had to swerve and go completely in the lane of oncoming traffic.......and this guy was still coming!!!! I layed on the horn and he was looking to the left which we had already passed and continued to move forward without ever looking forward.....until I honked and Beth said he looked like he JUMPED out of his skin and he must of slammed on his breaks cause he didn't hit us.......but we drove down the road a ways and I said Beth you almost died......and she said 'I'm not thinking about that right now'! My heart was racing a mile a minute and I just had to share this cause this was just so scary and I keep thinking about the what ifs......I mean really, if my horn didn't work we could of been dead.

In that second I thought about my future child and the fact that I would never get to have my child and love my child and raise my child......Obviously this freaked me out a bit and we maybe wouldn't of died even if we were slammed into....but that's where my mind went!!!!

OK....on to something more fun......last night I was looking at all the different baby registries that they have online and started to think about what I need/want for my baby. I ended up starting like three of them - it may be weird, but I just like to do that sort of thing and think about the future - crazy i know - since I don't even have a referral or even an approved homestudy yet....but that's me.

I got to hang out with Lucy and Stacy a bit when they got home from camping - of course I took pictures of the cutie - she was just hilarious during her bath.

Another cool thing is that Micki had her baby boy on Thursday August 24th, 2006. And YES i missed this birth too....I was supposed to be at Raiah's (her daughter's) and missed that cause she labors so quickly and this time she was quicker and I was further away and didn't get the message till 2 hours after she called me. I was supposed to take pictures - My mom was funny, I was at her house when I rushed out of there and I called her on my way and said she had the baby and I'm not there yet.....she said it's only fair cause you didn't make it to Raiah's!! It was funny.

Anyway I'm going to attach some pics of Lucy's bath, and of Raiah and of Emerson

I feel so so so lucky to have these people in my life that that allow me to be a part of their lives. I truly do feel honored to be able to hang out with all of my 'babies' as the become big kids and honored to have such awesome wonderful friends in my life to hang out with and to get support from and to support and for them just to be there - I just have to say thank you. And to my friend Sylvia who is of course still in AZ....the first day of planning week was hard - and oh so weird not having you there!!!! I miss you!!!! Life is just different without my friend Sylvia!

On and on I go........and Now I'm done......

Mel

The last picture is Lucy walking away on her very own!!!

Quick Update

2006-08-22T07:10:00.000-07:00

I'm already late for work .....but I just wanted to say that my first homestudy meeting is scheduled!!! I got a call yesterday from my social worker. That is sooo cool and of course scary and stressful, but it does mean one more step which is always great!!!! Gotta go

Mel

A Big Day

2006-08-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

Well.....today was one of the big days and I almost forgot to blog about it....I was reading Stacy's blog archives - I like to do that every so often. I turned in my homework!!! All but my insurance letter - but that will come. Now I wait for my social worker to call me and we set up the homestudy. I'm so nervous, excited, stressed, overwhelmed with things to do in my house, and happy...just happy that this is happening and that I am one step closer to my baby.

Mel

Homework and Last Lucy Tuesday

2006-08-16T15:01:00.000-07:00

Well.....my Homework is done, but I can't turn it in until I get my letter from the insurance company - always waiting on somebody!! Soon I will be able to set up my homestudy, which I am terrified for - It just seems huge and stressful and no matter how many people say it's not, it's no big deal.....I still feel like it is. Well....while I was thinking about it I emailed Janina.....she's has got to be sooooo sick of me by now and so ready to pass me off to my social worker!!! The next update should be the homestudy dates, or at least one of them.

I got to watch Lucy for my last Tuesday yesterday - it was a lot of fun. I just love her and her sense of humor and she's just so darn cute. I'll still see her, but I won't get to take a whole day off work and watch her and play with her! So here are the pictures of the cutie.......... I love to see her and think about my baby and Lucy together - it definately keeps me focused on the tasks I have to do. I'm getting ready to have a garage sale in September with my mom and hopefully make lots of money for the baby :-) One of these days maybe I'll write my baby's name on here.... For now, back to organizing and preparing for both the homestudy AND the sale!!

Mel

I am just CRAZY!!!!!

2006-08-11T16:21:00.000-07:00

My heart is racing....I have just had a major 'parenting' scare.....with my kitties. I had just spent about a 1/2 hour rearranging my kitties food and litter box....moving their food, water, and litter box down stairs. I got everything set up and decided to put in a load of laundry and proceeded to go upstairs. I was putting stuff in the sink when Otis comes over and was meowing, which he does when he can't find Milo. So I was like Milo.....Milo and couldn't see him, went downstairs and couldn't find him anywhere. My mind starting going crazy and I was thinking what did I open, what did I close, could he be locked somewhere......then I went into a full on PANIC when I thought maybe I had put him in the wash machine.....I was digging around in there and pulling things up and couldn't really tell if he was in there or not.......Obviously he was NOT, I went upstairs to look again and there he was with Otis just looking at me like I was crazy!!!! My heart has finally slowed down....I was incredibly freaked out and scared......But no, I did not put my cat in the wash machine - and I will leave this off the home study!!! :-)

PS....very close to finishing my questions; I talked to the other single woman who was in my PAC group to see where she was at in the process. She said hurried up and turned in her homework right away and has her home study scheduled for like next week. I started to feel like oh my god.....I'm so behind....but then Sylvia called on her way to AZ and she said timing is everything and my child is not ready for me yet......that made me feel better. But......I am still going to have my home work done and reviewed by a friend before Monday comes around.

Mel

AND.....can't forget about LUCY

2006-08-10T00:18:00.000-07:00

It's Late.....

2006-08-10T00:16:00.000-07:00

Well it's about two in the morning and I just got home from helping Sylvia pack the car to drive to AZ with her mom.....to move there......what nerve?!?!?!?! I was really sad as I drove away, knowing that I would not see her in person until I am able to go out there and see her - which won't be until after I pick up my baby. It hit me more today then it has previously. I have been very much slacking on my homework, because of all my last minute (and sooooo worth it) time with Sylvia and Carmen! It's sooo stupid, but I already miss them...they won't even be gone until Friday morning. Hmmmmm I really gotta go to sleep, but I just needed to write about my last night with Sylvia.....now that could be taken the wrong way......but you know what I mean.....Sylvia is the most generous person....she'll say she isn't and is just doing it to help herself with the move......but I know better......she is VERY VERY generous.......Sylvia.....one of my best friends is moving ......in just over a day......it's really unbelievable and strange and sad and weird and all that.....I will miss you soooooo much........I hope you are sleeping.....and that is where I am headed right now!!!

Mel

Just an update, life, PAC and Beyond

2006-07-23T20:19:00.000-07:00

OH my gosh......I'm a bit irritated right now....just typed and typed to update my blog and go to save it and poof it was gone!!! Now to recreate......

I just wanted to start off by saying where my mind has been lately off and on - last night or the night before I was thinking that I should just give my friends a free pass to get out of the their friendship with me..... I hate when I get like that so I'm trying to move away from that....and so I will update you all on PAC.

PAC was good, and long and overwhelming, and exciting, and a monumental step in the process. A lot of the people in my small group were from north of the Twin Cities - Duluth and others. There was one other single woman in my small group. She told me on the second day that I had almost convinced her to go with Ethiopia after the first day - which was weird cause I don't even know what I all said the first day....but that was cool. I have my homework to do now and after I was going on about how I thought it would be easy because it's just talking about yourself.....it's harder than that....just a lot of writing and thinking. It will be good. I worry about the home study even thought my small group social worker said it's not a big deal....it's nothing to stress about....but I will stress....I may have to try to approach this from another angle...but it's hard when you think it's all about weather or not the will let you adopt.....

My goal is to have my homework done by Thursday - it's a busy week with Sylvia's good-bye and the prep for that.....it'll be a sad day....I'm not ready for her to go....but I know it is a good thing for her.....Once I turn in my homework I will get assigned a social worker of my very own and then move on to the home study itself and then the dossier and then the wait. I had said some really brilliant thing at the end of my last post.....so just make up your own and insert here!!! I'm going to start on my baby's room next week.....that will be exciting....after all the cleaning the room itself will be fun to do.....Okay that's it for now....hope this will post this time.....

Mel

The end of PAC

2006-07-21T15:50:00.000-07:00

Well....PAC is over and I am sooo tired and have a headache....but beyond that it was great and will write more about it when i feel a little fresher......but I do have my official user name and password for the CHSFS site.....that's cool~!!!!

PAC Today

2006-07-20T04:34:00.000-07:00

Well, I have the start of my Pac class today. I'm excited and nervous...seems like the emotions that will be tied together a lot during this process. My mom is coming with me to the class. This is real - I'm actually kind of excited to get my homework from PAC and get started so that I can start the next part. This all seems a little disjointed this morning since it is way earlier than I am normally up....I think I'm not quite awake to be writing this but I wanted to make sure that I wrote before I left today. This is another step and quite a big one - Here's to PAC!

OH and of course that's Lucy from Tuesday.....

Exciting News

2006-07-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

Should of written this when I was more awake....but I wanted to blog on the day this actually happened! It'll be short and sweet. Janina - application coordinator called me today and said she had been out of town last week and that the social workers had put my file on her desk with the go ahead to invite me to PAC - I know I said I knew this already and it was going to happen.....but that fact that it actually did is pretty cool! So I am invited to the July PAC - the 20th and 21st......That is also very exciting because it could've been August PAC which just would of delayed things for one more month. So very good news and I'd love to be superexcited on here...but I need sleep.....I'll make a point to be super excited tomorrow for all my blog readers.

One more random thing.... bout smoking.....

2006-06-30T16:48:00.000-07:00

I feel like I haven't mentioned smoking since I started this journal.....maybe I have and just don't remember.....I quit smoking like April 6th or something like that.....I had a slip up last weekend....but I haven't smoked since then.....Just wanted to put that out there.... And promise myself and others that I won't smoke again......

Invite to PAC soon....and other VERY random things.....

2006-06-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

I was going to wait until I actually had the invite in my hand or in my email box.....BUT I'm going to trust that I will get it, because they said I would.

I had my meeting with the two social workers at CHSFS.....and talked about my depression and my symptoms in college and my support system then and now and a little bit about financial issues.... I was seriously miss chatty.....just talked and tried to just be myself.....I was pretty happy when I left.....Now I wait to see if I'm going to July or August PAC......

I am still in this place where I feel like I'm dealing with the loss of Jack, and the addition of the two kitties, and the adoption...so my feelings go weird and really aren't very predictable......but saying that....I've been able to be sad about things...just general things, life things and bigger things....Jack....my point is that I can be sad at night or whatever and still wake up in the morning not hanging on to the sadness. Okay this whole paragraph seems a bit weird.....My point IS.......I am handling this and I will make it though hard times and sad times and doubting times.

I know this is weird....BUT I'm going to set a goal for myself....my goal is to work on being more confident about myself and trusting about what people say about me - well.....the good things!!!! ;-)

Okay enough rambling on and on......I will attach a pic of Lucy girl hmmmmmm which one will it be.........??????? Okay three.......from one of the days I got to watch Lucy.

My kitties - Milo and Otis

2006-06-24T20:18:00.000-07:00

Part of the Journey

2006-06-21T19:12:00.000-07:00

Hi all.....I wasn't going to write this out of some strange feeling that if I didn't write it it didn't happen. I got a call this morning from the social work supervisor - she and another member of their staff want to meet with me. I was completely freaked out and sad and worried most of the day. Most likely it is because of the depression - sorta like i need to prove myself or explain myself. She said they wanted to talk to me and they do this in cases dealing with finanicail issues, mental health issues and something else.... Stacy and Beth helped me see it a little differently - just more real. I need to just go in there and do what I can do...be who i am....and if I truly believe that I will be a good mom then they will too. I cannot see this as the end of the road....which let me tell you does keep popping into my head. I just need to relax....and yes i do realize that i am talking to myself.....and I am not a good relaxer!! I need to not obsess......I am going to try - I got my kitties tonight....little Milo slept on me....their names are Milo and Otis (twins -or very close) so a little difficult to tell them apart all the time.

Jack......I miss him and seem to have an every other night break down about him - mixed in with other life stuff. I love him always and want him to know that -I thought about the day we brought him home today...because of the kitties. Jack is so much a part of me and my life....I will NEVER forget him....I just looked at the website again and he is not on it....pretty sure he is in heaven........

I am trying to look at things with a better outlook - I'm not going to say completely positive right now....but I am trying hard to move away from the negative.....

Thanks for reading and just please think positive thoughts.....

Mel

Here's a flower just cause it's pretty and my colors!!

2006-06-17T13:37:00.000-07:00

2006-06-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

The Hardest Thing...

2006-06-16T13:53:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday was probably the hardest day I've ever had. We brought Jack in and it was sooooo sad. I love him and want what's supposed to happen with him to happen. I am so not a crier and I cried and cried, filling out paper work and leaving my sweet puppy there :-( driving home...walking in the house for the first time without him. It was really really hard, I feel like that's all I can say right now. I am sad, but am watching Lucy today which is helping soooo much!!!! Kind of worried about sleeping at my house tonight without him.....but I have to. Anyway just another update in my journey. I also got the letter that my therapist wrote, soooo that means it should be in CHSFS hands very very soon!!!! Some thing horrible and then something promising - Progress....sad......but progress.......

And of course some Lucy pics ......later cause I can't seem to do it right now.....

Mel

The Last Piece

2006-06-12T21:34:00.000-07:00

The last piece of information CHSFS needs is....fingers crossed.....already in the mail!!! That is exciting....It was the biggest scariest one....the therapists' letter. They made me sound sane!!!! ;-) Anyway.....

On a very sad note....my Jacky boy will no longer be living with me as of Thursday night :-( I'm not going to get into it, but it's really sad...it's sad cause I know I have to do it.....and I know I need to do it......and am going to do it......I will miss him a lot. And will be a little relieved to not have him every day.... Mostly this week will be sad....and stressful and I just hope that I make it through.......

Mel

PS I get to BBsit Lucy tomorrow....that's exciting!!!!

"My little Diet Coke Girl"

.........and waiting.......

2006-06-11T13:53:00.000-07:00

While I wait and try not to think about Jacky's future, I thought I'd post a pic of my future kitties......

Obviously it's the two that are looking.......

Wouldn't ya know it

2006-05-25T14:50:00.000-07:00

Quick second update of the day.....got a call from the aplications coordinator and she said that the only people who they hadn't heard from are the therps.....imagine that!!!!! Come on just send it in already!!!!!

Mel

My day with Lucy

2006-05-25T10:39:00.000-07:00

Hey all

I got to babysit Lucy on Tuesday and it was sooooo FUN!!! We went to the park, and played in the sandbox, ate a good lunch and took a great nap. She is a doll....I just love her - and had to talk about that since I will be attaching pictures!!!!!!

I am still waiting to hear.....am about to email Janina and I am nervous that---worried it will be the end....and all I need to do is think positive!!!!! Sylvia says it's not enough for her to think and believe positive....that I must too.....I am trying.....I bought two sleepers yesterday for my baby....I don't think I put his/her name yet and I won't for awhile.....Anyway that's in not much to say....actually a lot to say, but feel a little ill - cramps!!!!!!

Mel

I'm Alive!!

2006-05-13T11:41:00.000-07:00

Yes I am still alive and kicking even after going to the doctor....and now my application is 100% turned in and out of my hands......sooooo we are in the actual first waiting phase.....hope for the best.......And of course I'll add lucy to this entry....first one is on her birthday party and the others are from yesterday.......

Happy mom's day!!!!!

That one thing......

2006-05-04T13:55:00.000-07:00

Now all I have is that one thing to worry about....no chatting with the therps, Which i did and it seemed to go ......no paperwork....just the damn doctor apt......I am stressing but it's more of like I'm up and I'm down........like 'I can do it' 'I can do it'...then up my gosh....what the hell I hate the doctor....Next friday.....just think of me....and hope for everything to go good with out me losing my mind.

Mel

Application submmited minus one piece

2006-04-18T13:43:00.000-07:00

Quick update.....I turned in my application today and all I have left to do is the physical....which is soooo not my favorite part....but once it's done, things can move on.......I'm trying to be a 'big girl' about this.......

Mel

Insecurities

2006-04-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

From the mind of Mel:

This is going to be quite the random topic...but it's been on my mind. I feel like I can be a very insecure person, and I'm wondering how exactly that happened and how does one move on from that. I feel like it's this huge trust thing...where I am doubting everything...okay i sound a little bit off.....and I can't really explain this in any way that makes any sense. I think part of this is doubting things about me as a person, because I need to be this sound person who is capable of parenting and who isn't this nut case. I know I can be a good mom, so I don't get why i can't just let this go....why I can't just believe what people say, why would people lie to me....the answer to that is that they aren't - I can get that logically, but sometimes........I just don't know......

Aside from all the crap going on in the brain, I got all the things notorized that I needed notorized and now all I have left to do is my fingerprints and my physical.....but I found out i can turn the application in before my doctor appointment so they can get started on what it is that they need to do. That's good....

Not much else to update....I'm about to look at the Startrib online to see how to go about posting my adorable dog - who is sleeping right next to me on the floor.... He did manage to snap at another neighbor today when he put his hand up to the fence so Jack could smell him......... Jack...... what to do??????

Mel

Jacky Boy

2006-04-09T18:47:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd add a picture of Lucy in Ethiopia since i never did....not sure why I didn't........

I've been thinking a lot about my doggie....and the fact that he has to find a new home....it makes me sad for the most part...but there is a part that gets excited about not having a dog. Everyone says a dog is a good test for a child....I think it is very different no matter what anyone says! A baby and a dog have very different needs aside from food and shelter. Dogs you can leave alone, Babies go potty in their diapers.....mind boggling i know!!

As i write this i hear Jacky playing with his new squirrel toy that i got him.....he just brought it to me!! I have to get a move on this Jack thing....because I don't want him to die....I want him to have a home where someone can train him better than I can and someone who will love him as much as I do. I guess I'm a bit rambly today....It's Sunday....I have to work tomorrow......Yuck!!! If I can get myself up early tomorrow...I will go get fingerprinted! That's it.....out of steam......

Mel

Picture Stacy doesn't have up.....

2006-04-08T19:49:00.000-07:00

Okay.....here are ones you don't have up.........

Random

2006-04-08T19:37:00.000-07:00

Well

I have a few things to update....one being that although I did fall off the smoking wagon....I am back on and haven't smoked for 3 days! Second is that I got a lot of paperwork done, but yet still have those things to do that I've put off....fingerprinting and notary. And of course the Doctor....and you know you'd never think to believe that I would say this....but I wish the appointment was sooner....Did I say that????? I just want to get on with this step and if that's what I have to do that so be it.....I can't say I'll have this attitude on May 12th....but one can hope for a personality transformation!

I still vacillate between being so excited and so nervous that this won't happen. My brother and dad came today and go the bed out of the baby's room!--Yep now baby has a place to sleep....well a room to sleep in....no so much a crib just yet. My plan this weekend was to come up with ways to make money....my ideas are, babysit, housesit, dog sit, garage sale and sell things on ebay.....I've given up on the CM because I don't want to be a part of a pyramid thing...anyway....I will find something.....hopefully soon....but just a few more things and I'll be able to turn in the application........soon....nothings concrete....I may not even be accepted......

Mel

OH and I can't not put a picture of the adorable one.....so here she is!!!! Love ya Lucy!!

Progress

2006-03-30T13:59:00.000-08:00

Hello all loyal subjects.......what is there three of you now......? I made a good dent in my paper work.....still have to call the doctor.....still have to make the fingerprinting appointment. Lots to do, but I've started and that's big. I am off on spring break next week and I quit smoking - hopefully I can continue and not smoke. I plan to have all of the paper work done by the end of break....I know... what a jolly break! Once the application is out of my hands things will feel better until the next big thing to do. I am so just rambling now....I am really tired. Lucy is just as cute as always....so I have to include a picture of her...but it can only be one of the ones I have at work.....let me see.......

This is Big...

2006-03-18T20:51:00.000-08:00

I thought I would actually write in this blog, with more than just random things.....well still sorta random....but with a purpose....Through a lot of thinking and wondering and hoping and soul searching and support from friends and the inspiration of Stacy and Lucy - - I have made this huge decision to adopt! I am happy, worried, overwhelmed, and beyond excited.

I had my information meeting this morning and it was really cool to sit there and listen to all this information - a lot of which i already knew because I feel like I've been through this process already as an observer - and I went with to bring Lucy home.

Now the paperwork starts and it's already overwhelming me - thinking about reference letters, and doctor visits, and release of info from therapists, and quitting smoking, and just way too much going on in my head right now.....I'm tired, but sooooo soooooo happy that I took that step today and I turned in my registration and got my application packet and now can begin the very beginning of this process. Today I paid money for adoption related thing.....that is cool!!!

BTW that's Lucy of course.....Feel better!!!

Mel

Lucy's home.....A little late in blogging

2005-12-06T20:06:00.000-08:00

Just needed a reason to spread her cuteness around!!!!! Will definately write more at some point.....but the world needed to see Lucy Eskadar!!!!!

Ethiopia

2005-10-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

This is Lucy!!!!!!!

I am going to Africa - Ethiopia in 15 days.....that is just CRAZY. We are going to get Lucy and I am so excited, freaked out, happy, overwhelmed, and I am not the one coming home with the baby (well I'll be coming home with the Lucy, but not living with her) - I plan to see her often though!! This is just such an awesome experience to be a part of and I cannot thank Stacy enough. Ode to Stacy. Stacy is just this totally awesome person and I can't imagine my life now without her......sounds weird but true.....I can't wait to meet Lucy and to see Lucy and Stacy together and to hold Lucy - and not just be obsessesed with a thought and a picture....but to actually meet her.....so very exciting. I'm kind of a freak about this right now, but this is very exciting. No more to say right now....just tons to think about and prepare for.......

Smoking

2005-09-15T16:48:00.000-07:00

Smoking.....that's what I'm going to talk about today. I am quiting right now....well since I got home from work....again for the 125th time.....aproximately. I would think it would be so easy....just don't smoke....right.....not easy and I bugs me that it's not. I have two parts of me fighting inside, one saying 'I want to smoke' the other one saying 'smoking is stupid....just quit'. To waste space on the subject of smoking just tells me that it's a bigger issue than I thought.

I quit for a week once, I quit for two days once.....I want to quit forever and never think about it again. I'm trying, and I will not smoke tonight....I put my jammie pants on so I wouldn't be tempted to go to a store....Please let me suceed....I don't want to fail again.

Mel

Then and Now

2005-09-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

Even when I'm happy the moods don't fit me....just my running theme....I would've chose excited-----I am soooo excited that Stacy got her approval and one more step is done. I am also excited for Stacy and Lucy's baby shower!

The pics of my dog Jack....are just because he is so darn cute!!

I had to get 4 shots yesterday for my trip.....I HATE doctors!!!! I must admit I can't really say I hate this doctor....I don't enjoy going to doctors....but I can't hate this one.

This weekend and upcoming week are very Lucy related and that's so cool. Okay I admit I'm a bit obsessed....but i hope, I think, in a good way.

Lets see......life.....huh.....what to say....my arm still hurts from the shots! I'm really tired, and........I love my dog......My sister is so awesome for staying with Jack so i can go to the pirate party on Saturday! Stacy is of course awesome for having the party! HMMMMMMM Starting to loose steam....which i never really had....Jacky's whining.....must astropop!!!

Mel

Not so good at updating

2005-08-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

Still don't like the feeling choices....I picked worried because my dog is acting a bit psychotic right now. We had a lovely vet experience on Saturday.....lets just say there was shit and pee involved and it wasn't outside. He hates them. I will have to get him sedated to clip his nails and clean out his ears....oh joy. Now he's just acting crazy!! Bought another outfit for Lucy....I'm sure I've mentioned her.....my friend Stacy's baby that she is adopting from Ethiopia. I love her already and I just can't wait to meet her and take pictures of her....which is what I LOVE to do. Well not much else going on....I'm now on my second week of my three week vacation from work..... Nothing big planned....just hanging around.....babysat for Raiah, Micki's baby the first week....she is soooo cute. All these babies....just love it. That's it, can't draw out this boring entry any longer.....Plus who the hell is reading it anyway???

Mel

End of Vacation

2005-07-23T22:32:00.000-07:00

First off....i don't like the mood choices so I chose Angry......I can never find one that fits.... Okay I'm over it.....

Well....over my vacation I cleaned out a room and put a bed in there so now i have a spare bedroom....yah!!!! Exciting I know. I bonded with my dog, who will be two on August first!! I went out to lunch and dinner a couple of times (and by the way a couple in my world is more than two - don't know why it just is - except for a 'couple' as in a relationship), I saw a bunch of people that I used to teach Aqua Aerobics to, and I started scrapbooking again (after some months of not doing it)....with an unlikely scrapbooker....Stacy....I remember once she told me she would not scrapbook....but baby Lucy changed that....WAY TO GO Lucy.

I've been lacking sleep for two days which just isn't like me at all. Like my sister said today.....'what's that about? You can ALWAYS sleep' and she's right. I have to sleep tonight so I can be refreshed tomorrow to work on our VIK (very important kid) books with Laura, for our graduating preschoolers. We like to make it special so they realize that school is important! Okay BOOOORING - - - I'm putting myself to sleep....not such a bad idea....night.

Day off

2005-07-18T12:54:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day off (i have the whole week off). Not sure what to do with it...Sleep...yah that sounds good. Except this morning a ton of people were using a chainsaw and woodchipper to chop down two trees (my dad must of hired them - but I had no idea they were coming and it was like 7:30 in the morning....very early for me and it made my dog, Jack, go crazy!!!! Yes this is the exciting life of Mel....check back for my exciting updates.....or napping material. :-)

First one

2005-07-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd start with this picture since that is what I did today....slept. This blog will just be the random thoughts that I have and random feeelings that I have.